As we move into our annual festive period, people become more motivated to help others. Footballers and TV stars turn up at children’s hospitals, local news programmes show people helping the disadvantaged, and we give gifts to our friends and family. Christmas is about compassion, recognising the suffering of others and then taking action to help.
You may well feel compassion naturally in your life already, many people do. Or you may feel like you don’t know what to do to help. The only thing that you really need to do is to simply be there for them. See someone else as a soul, like you, who is struggling and currently suffering on their journey. Then stop and offer what little comfort and support you can. If someone is emotional there may be no way that you can fix their problem. So don’t try and play the therapist, just be yourself. Acknowledge how someone feels and that it is okay to feel that way, can be a good start. Then, if you can, pace with them, “I can see that you are upset.” Breath in unison with them, sit with them, or walk with them. Let them see that there is another human being who is simply just being there with them in this moment, without judgement.
The book The Worst is Over by Judith Acosta and Judith Simon Prager has been described as “The Bible for crisis communication”. It offers guidance about how to assist people, who have been injured physically, or who are suffering emotionally. It is based on the authors experiences, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), and hypnosis. A few well-placed and well thought out words can have a healing and restorative effect on others. In a six-month study, a hospital in the USA trained some paramedics in a protocol where they administered standard medical procedures as usual, but also stated the following supportive words, softly in the patient’s ear, whether they were conscious or not –
“The worst is over. We are taking you to hospital. Let your body focus on repairing itself and feeling secure. Let your heart, your blood vessels, everything, bring themselves into a state of preserving your life. Bleed just enough so as to cleanse the wound, and let the blood vessels close down so that your life is preserved. We’re getting to hospital as quickly and as safely as possible. You are now in a safe position. The worst is over.”
The patients of the paramedics following this protocol were more likely to survive the trip to the hospital, had shorter hospital stays, and a quicker recovery than patients attended to by a control group of paramedics not using this protocol. Not all of us are paramedics, or will we be called upon to give first aid, but simple, supportive, positive words help.
We are all on our own unique journeys in life, no two lives are exactly the same. Not only is your journey unique but you are too. Your life, your experiences, your perspective are all valid and unique. And so is everyone else’s. The thing that we all share is our common humanity. Of course, many times, through our words and deeds we do not express this sense of common humanity to other people. But it is still there, even when not expressed.
Compassion is a learnable skill, through empathy with another person’s situation you can exercise compassion, and by doing so you give something to them. Although compassion is often only served on the Christmas menu, let us remember that it is available for us to give, all year round.
“We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.” John Lennon
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