Many people come to NLP because of coaching. In fact, I first came across NLP whilst considering coaching as a career change. Every time I searched for information about coaching, NLP came up. In the end, I decided to do NLP first, which in my view was a good decision. Coaching is an obvious application of NLP, but NLP is much more broadly applicable in life than coaching is.
NLP is a codification of how people think and create their behaviour. As such, you can use what you learn with NLP in any area of your life. But what does that mean specifically. People often chunk down how to use NLP like this –
- Business: communication, goal setting, marketing, sales, management, leadership.
- Education: communication, management, leadership, learning.
- Coaching: listening, questioning, models about people, change.
- Therapy: change, managing emotions, letting go of limitations.
- Relationships: communication, empathy, self-management, managing emotions.
- High performance, such as sports: motivation, flow state, learning, modelling.
- Parenting: communication, change, learning, motivation, managing emotions.
- Personal development: motivation, flow state, change, self-management, goal setting.
You can use NLP in all these areas of your life. Another way I break down how NLP can improve life is by reference to Emotional Intelligence, often called your Emotion Quotient, or EQ. You can break EQ down into these 4 components –
- Self-awareness: knowing your own strengths & weaknesses, taking feedback.
- Awareness of others: empathy, listening.
- Self-management: managing emotions, positive outlook, self-starter.
- Leadership and management of others: managing conflict, identifying developmental needs, inspiring others.
Think about it like this, NLP improves your ability to be you. Or to put that another way it helps you to be the best version of you that you can be. By improving your EQ, you become a better version of you. That then means no matter what you do in your life, whether your focus is on your business, your family, sports, or leadership, your performance is enhanced. Want to be a better business leader, then improve your EQ, and to do that learn NLP. Want to be a better parent, or partner, then improve your EQ, and to do that learn NLP. That’s because, as I said earlier NLP is a codification of how people think and produce their behaviour.
So, let’s get a little more detailed. First of all, there is always someone who appears in every scene in the story of your life, and that’s you. You are in everything that you do. Your mind is composed of filters like, memories, beliefs, values, and preferences. All of these are stored in your unconscious mind but are accessible in consciousness to a greater or lesser degree. As the name suggests these filters filter your experience of the outside world. This filtering then affects what you think about yourself, and that affects your behaviour. So, if I have beliefs about myself which impower me, that allow me to recover quickly from a setback, that help me to be self-motivated, then I can achieve more in my life. If I know that I’m not a prisoner of the past, if I choose to look at memories from a self-empowered perspective then a potential weight, a burden is released. It all starts with you, and NLP shows you how.
Once you have the tools to manage yourself better, then you are ready to interact more effectively with others. Parenting, relationships, marketing, sales, leadership, education are all about influencing people. To influence others, you need to know how to pay attention to others, to listen to them, to understand what is going on in their lives, and what makes them tick. You also need to be able to build a trusting relationship with them. NLP teaches you how to do all these things. When I have a conversation with someone else, I am carefully listening to the structure of their language, whilst I pay attention to their physiology. I am paying attention because I want to map out what I think their internal experience is. If I have a sense of what that is like, then I can find the right question, or the right reframe which helps them to move forward. If you are in a managerial or leadership role you also want to understand how various people are interacting with each other, are there tensions, if so, what is the cause.
I have always been interested in personal development, self-improvement, making the most out of my life. For a long time I have also thought that if I understand the nature of reality and adapt my behaviour to that, then I will have a more fulfilling life. NLP really does provide the thinking that gives you that structure. And again, what that means is you can become a better you, no matter what you do.
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” Marcus Aurelius
