As you may have noticed by the amount of heart shaped or coloured consumables in supermarkets, this week sees the annual Valentine’s Day celebration of love. For once, I am going to remove my cynical hat and look past this one-day-a-year commercial celebration of romance, to think more deeply about love.
You all know what love is, of course. You have all experienced it at some point in your life and the vast majority of you will be experiencing it still, right now. You don’t need a dictionary definition to tell you that it is a positive emotional experience, and that it can vary in scope and intensity, or that it seems to be able to expand infinitely. But knowing this only takes us so far. What is love really? Is it something more fundamental than a bunch of evolutionarily selected, feelgood, brain chemicals?
As I said love can come in different shapes and sizes. Love makes us want to do things for others. When my daughter is busy, I look after her dog. I walk him, feed him treats, clean up after him, play with him, and yes, I let him sleep on the bed. I do this because I love him, and I love her. The highest, most noble form of love is described as unconditional love. In life we usually only ever experience unconditional love for pets or children, not for our partners. This is because we place conditions on the love we share with our partner. In my mind unconditional love is about allowing the other person to be who they are, and supporting them in their life choices, no matter what those choices are. At the same time, I also think that you can have a range of acceptable behaviours for a relationship. And if someone steps too far beyond these, then it is okay to end the relationship. By doing so you are demonstrating to them the consequences of their actions. To me this is still a loving act. If you think about it this way then you can still have unconditional love for your partner, but they may not always remain as your partner. Remember if you are allowed to be who you are, which I think you are, then other people are allowed to be who they are too.
Unconditional love is something that is often talked about in religious circles. Religions tell us that God loves us. Many people then struggle to reconcile the pain, suffering and injustices they see in the world with this statement. They then cannot believe in a loving God. I think that from a spiritual perspective we areunconditionally supported in our lives by The Universe/God, or whatever label you want to use to describe that higher sense. This means we are free to make choices and when we do, we get a reflection back to us, in the outside world of the choices we’ve made. But there is no outside judgement, there is only ever self-judgement. As such in life there are no mistakes, just different experiences and learnings.
As I wrote about in my book It’s Time, I believe that everything is one thing, appearing to be many different things. The fingers on your hand are all different but are all part of one greater thing. From the righthand’s perspective the lefthand might look similar but also very different. But again, they are both part of the same one thing. When we feel love we are connecting with this sense that everything is one thing. Who or what we love is just us, in a different form. Our challenge is not to just love our pets, kids, and partner unconditionally, but to love everyone unconditionally.
To be able to love others you first of all need to love yourself. How can you honestly go into a relationship with someone else, expecting their love if you do not love yourself. A central theme of personal development is to love and accept yourself as you are. If there are things about yourself that you do not like, then change them. If you can’t change them, or you do not want to change them, then live with them because they are then a component of who you are. It is people with low self-esteem who will become needy or manipulative in relationships to get their sense of self-worth from others.
And does love have any place in the zero sum world of business? Today people would think you were mad to make love a value or goal for your business. But if we can start to think about business differently, maybe as service to others rather than a money grabbing survival game then perhaps we can find a place for love here too.
So it is with love that I invite you all to see past this week’s commercialisation of romance, and to love yourself, your family, your partner, and your friends more deeply. And as you do, reflect on how your love can expand further too. It really is infinite, step into this infinity of love.
“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” Aristotle
