I Love You
“I Love You” the words that we want to hear from our partner, unprompted and delivered with sincerity. Not just on St. Valentine’s Day but on any day. A card, flowers, chocolates or a larger gift, society encourages us to express our love this Friday 14th and many of us will. Nothing wrong with that either, aside from the societal pressure to conform, I guess.
You know that real love for your partner is a deeper thing than can be expressed through a card or a bunch of flowers. You know it through their behaviour towards you, the little things and the big things through-out the year. You know it from how they kiss you how they hold you. You know it and you don’t need to be told it, do you? Actually from an NLP perspective you do know because like many of the things in your life you will have a ‘strategy’ that if satisfied by your partner will tell you that they love you. Not everyone has the same strategy either. Remember a time when you felt loved and ask yourself how did you know you were loved. See what comes into your awareness.
Love and relationships are a complex thing if it wasn’t as complex as it seems everyone would be in the perfect relationship right now. You have strategies for attraction, strategies for sex and strategies for love. You also have values, the things about a relationship with someone else that are important to you. You will have a number values in a relationship, for example this could be “Connection”. So someone could satisfy your attraction strategy and yet you wouldn’t want a relationship with them because you don’t feel the “connection” with them that you want. “Trust” could also be a value and again someone may satisfy your love strategy and yet if you couldn’t trust them, painful though it maybe you know that a relationship will not follow.
It is often through our partner relationship that we learn much about ourselves and about life. Sometimes we keep on repeating the same mistakes until we finally get it, whatever it is for us. My tip for you to ponder this Valentine’s Day is that true love for your partner starts with you. Love yourself, warts and all. If you don’t love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you. “But if someone else loved me I could love myself.” No, love yourself first, love yourself unconditionally. If there is something that you don’t like about yourself, then change it, if you can’t change it or you don’t want to change it then live with it because that is who you are. And in life you can only ever be yourself, you can’t be anyone else; just make a really good job of being you.
So say those three little words this week but say them to yourself before you say them to anyone else. Stand and look in the mirror, take a deep breath and say out loud “I Love You” and then smile see if the you in the mirror smiles back knowing that it is loved