Who is in control of how your life is working out? Who is responsible? Well I guess you don’t need me to tell you that is YOU. But do you exercise your free will freely or are you at the effect of others around you? It is very rare for an individual to always live his or her life at cause, where they accept full personal responsibility for everything that happens in their life. Nevertheless far too many of us live a large portion of our lives at effect – responding to the requests, outlooks, desires or emotional states of others.
By being at cause you allow yourself to be the decision maker therefore creating what you want in life and taking responsibility for what you have achieved or will achieve based upon your present actions. See the world as a place of opportunity and move towards what you desire, this is a great starting point and if things are not unfolding as you would like, take action and explore other possibilities, draw upon your available resources and above all, remind yourself that you have the choice in what you do and how you react to people and events.
If you are at effect you will blame others or circumstances for your poor frame of mind, mood swings and for what you have not achieved in your life ‘so far’. Maybe you feel unable, helpless or ineffective or depend on others to let yourself feel good about what’s going on in your life. Have you recently said to yourself “If only my partner, my boss, my colleagues, my parents, or my children, understood me, helped me, or did what I wanted or what is best for me, then life would be great. If you’re waiting and hoping for things to be different or for others to provide, then you are at effect side of life and will always be a victim of circumstances. Is that how you want to look back on your life? Knowing that you allowed someone else to be responsible for your happiness and feelings – this all sounds very limiting so take control, don’t be controlled because life is your journey and does not belong to anybody else.
Being at cause provides choices in life, you can choose what is best for you while ensuring the choice is ecological for those close to you, in the workplace and society in general. Those who live their lives at effect often see themselves as victims with no choice whatsoever. The irony is that they do have choice and they have chosen not to choose but to be responsive to whatever happens to them. Remember, when you blame others, you give up your power to change.
Do I always live my life at cause? If I said yes I’d be lying. The majority of the time I am at cause because the skills of NLP have allowed me to quickly identify those times when I am living my life at effect. I always remember that I have choices in my life, some of NLP’s famous Presuppositions quickly spring to mind here: ‘There is no failure only feedback’ and ‘There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states’. I am able to explore other ways to achieve my outcomes or ask others for help, without being a victim to their answers. I also have monthly coaching sessions, a nominal cost for the benefits I reap. Having someone to bounce questions and answers off, set future short and long term goals and have the knowledge that this person will never judge me, but in fact drive and encourage my life choices means I get what I want 95% of the time, and that other 5%, well I either let it go or search for new ways always in the knowledge that I am the one, ‘the only one’ in control of the rest of my life.
So what can you do today to move yourself over to the Cause side of life? What small or not so small change can you make now to take charge of your future?