One Word Can Make All The Differance
In NLP we focus on language and the words we choose carefully, because just a single word within a sentence can really make the difference between achieving a task OR recognising a learning when there seems to be no other progress. Can you become more aware of the words you use and the impact they may have on your everyday life
So as a parent, I am constantly thinking about how I structure and shape my words and sentences to encourage my 10 year old to do her best and believe in her own abilities.
You may be able to identify with some of the following ’small’ words – here are 3 of my favourites.
But
The word ‘but’ has the potential to devalue or destroy whatever idea, concept or experience immediately precedes it. “I have lots of work experience, but I don’t have a degree.” Far too often we use ‘but’ when ‘and’ is a better option. Begin to notice how you can enhance your communication with yourself (self talk) and others by using ‘and’ instead of ‘but’.
Try
As a Coach I often hear the word ‘try’ when discussing individual goals and outcomes. If I hear the word try when coaching I have to consider how serious the client really is about achieving the goal, I mean “What messages are they sending to their unconscious mind?” Trying is a waste of time and energy.
Can’t
‘Can’t’ is used far too often and shuts out the possibility of doing or achieving a goal only a small stretch away. Saying, “I can’t do…..” closes down any possibility of accomplishment.
If instead you were to say something like, “I haven’t yet found a way to do…” this leaves you the time to find a solution and the opportunity to learn, grow and change.
This small change can have a significant effect on your attitude, how you feel about your life and before you know it you could be living an overdue goal.
In what context to you regularly hear the word ‘try’, and what is the person really attempting to say….”I really don’t want to do what you have asked, and I don’t know how to say no to you.”, or “I don’t have enough confidence in myself to make it happen.”, or “I don’t know what I really want in life.”
You have just finished sharing an idea with a partner or colleague and the first words out of their mouth is “Yes, but …” What would your response be? Do you think they were actually listening? Do you believe your idea has been rejected?
How would your life change, if instead of saying, “I will try to …” you say “I will do …” or even better “I am making plans to …” and specify a time when it will be done
Now imagine the same scenario and their first response is “Yes I agree and” instead of “but”. How does this sound? Do you have a sense that they are now listening and want to build on your idea?